no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
