I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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