Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
