I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
