i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
