No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
