He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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