yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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