I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
