I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
