clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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