I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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