i just had sex bonerless
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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