Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
