i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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