So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
