batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
