just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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