We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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