Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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