seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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