Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
