How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
