dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
