Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
