If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
