I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
