The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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