just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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