she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
