I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
