my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
