meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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