I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
