sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
