Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize