I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
