I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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