she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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