The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
