I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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