Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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