My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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