3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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