GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
