I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
