Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love you. Go after that dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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