I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
