im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
