he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
