i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
