what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
