Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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