Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
