officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it glows. i had to have it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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