Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
