The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
