One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
