I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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