I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
