first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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