Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize