Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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