So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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