Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
