I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
