her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
