Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
