if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize