sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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