Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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