Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
