my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
