he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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