so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize