OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
