im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
