hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize