so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize