My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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