she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
