if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize