Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
