and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
