I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
