I puked a lego.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
