shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
