We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
