We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
