why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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